Papa mole, Momma mole, and Baby mole were all in their hole. Papa mole wakes up and sticks his head out of the hole and says "Mmm, I smell honey." Mama mole sticks her head out of the hole and says, "I smell maple syrup." Baby mole is trying to stick his head out of the hole but there's no room. He proclaims "All I smell is mole-asses!"

Two brothers lived in a small town and had a terrible reputation. One day one of the brothers died suddenly. The surviving brother went to the local minister and asked him to do the eulogy, asking that he proclaim his brother to be a saint. When the minister refused, the brother told him he would donate a thousand dollars to the church. After some thought, the minister agreed. At the eulogy, the minister said "Everyone knew that ole George was a liar, a thief, and a drunk. But compared to his brother, he was a saint!"

During their long running feud, Lady Astor remarked to Winston Churchill at a dinner party one night "Winston, if you were my husband I would poison your tea." Winston replied, "Madame, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."

Lady Astor, the first woman elected to the British Parliament, detested Winston Churchill and frequently had words with him. One day she ran into Sir Winston in the hallway after he had had his daily libations. She said "Winston, you're drunk." To which he replied "Nancy, you're ugly. But tomorrow morning I shall be sober."

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Baptist Minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, What's this, some kind of a joke?

Two potatoes are standing on a street corner. How can you tell which one is a ‘Lady of the evening?" That's easy. It's the one with the sign around it's neck that says ‘Idaho.'